Ode to My Rocking Chair

On the third of May in the year 2006 you came into my life and now I’ve sold you away. With one glance on Craigslist I knew I had to have you back then, all cozy looking with your microseude cushions and wooden trim.

You started out in the corner next to the window but then came the dresser that shoved you near the faux fireplace, the space I consider front and center.

When I sat on you, you made a squishy sound, the sound of too much lube in your joints and too much lube in your gears…why’d you have to go and turn all porno on me chair? I was looking forward to having a relaxing, not riotous affair.

And so my bottom graced your cushions only every so often instead of every day. I began piling clothes on you and covered you to pretend that you were useful in some way. You took up too much space with your matching ottoman and all, you even nicked my mantle and bruised my thigh as I walked by.

My roommates looked upon you with disdain, too old-looking, too countryish, too expecting motherish they'd say. I finally relented and posted you back onto Craigslist from whence you came. Tons of people replied and they all wanted you for their own. I ended up selling you to the first person that responded and even drove you to your new home.

Upon my return I saw the empty space you left and began missing you so soon. I recalled when I used to say to visitors to my room, “Don’t knock it ‘til you rock it” and when they sat on you they’d exclaim “I like it!”

We had a rollercoaster of a relationship, riding high one moment and the next a downward dip. No longer a fixture in my sunny room, I’ll have to replace you with another chair soon.

And so the wife of the man who owns you now is about to give birth to her first child. I wish you luck at your new abode, may your days be peaceful and mild, resting in a room filled with blues and greens, where you’ll rock all night to lullabies and sweet baby dreams.



P.S. You can find my Ode to the Fruit Man of Miami by scrolling to the bottom of this page: Click This!